AGAINST ZIONISM

In the past, most women considered Jewish men to be ugly, cruel, and childish –although there were exceptions. Elizabeth Taylor married Jewish movie producer Mike Todd, and converted to Judaism when she married Jewish singer Eddie Fisher (who had previously married Debbie Reynolds.)  Marilyn Monroe converted to Judaism when she married Jewish playwright Arthur Miller in 1956. 

Still, the majority of women had long regarded Jewish men as disgusting.

Not any more!

Today it’s chic to be a shiksa on the arm of Jewish porn king or drug dealer.

“Jews get away with anything,” says aspiring supermodel Christine Johnson. “If chutzpah isn’t manly, I don’t know what is!”

Britney Spears agrees. “I was raised a Baptist, and my ex-husband Kevin Federline was a Gentile. I dumped him for Isaac Cohen, who introduced me to everything from Zionism to anal sex. Isaac demanded that I shave my head, saying it would make sex more kinky. I refused, but he threatened to leave me. I love it when a real man takes control!”

Spears is now rumored to be pregnant by Cohen, and can be seen wearing a Jewish star in the video of her shaving her head (Image at right. Click here to see the video.)

Whether it’s Madonna extolling the virtues of Kabbalah, or Sharon Stone having public sex with Jewish actor Richard Gere, the Chosen People are the new Blacks.

“For a long time, white women would only have sex with black men,” says Hyrum Goldstein, a Harvard psychologist. “Today the forces of nature have resurfaced. Women biologically seek to mate with a superior race, and that means Jewish people, especially Ashkenazi Jews.”

Heidi Wilhelm says Jewish men are irresistible. “They control everything, so why not have their children?” she asks. “Regular men are too weak to do anything about it anyway.”  Wilhelm, the German bombshell who appears on the latest swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated, was asked if she agreed that Jewish men have large genitalia. “Actually they’re the smallest I‘ve ever seen, but that’ okay, since they’re obsessed with anal sex.”

What about the legendary Jewish fondness for scatological humor?

“From other men it would be disgusting,” Wilhelm says, “but from Jewish men, it’s adorable.”

Aaron Bloom, a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills, has noticed a dramatic change in his profession. “Male clients used to ask for things like pectoral implants, but today they all want to look like Woody Allen. They say it’s the only way they can get a date with a woman.”

Russian women do not yet share their western sisters’ enthusiasm for the Chosen People. Elena Romanov, for example, is a business owner in Moscow. “Jews make our skin crawl,” she says.  ”You’ll never see a Russian supermodel with one of them.”

Abe Fucksman of the Anti-Defecation League chuckles at this. “And they wonder why we call Russia anti-Semitic!”